Well, I’m here! Sorry for not blogging sooner. I keep thinking I have something to say, then keep wondering what I’m trying to say, so I decide not to say it. But since I’m here, I figured I should write. Apologies also because I keep forgetting to bring my camera so that I can show you a picture of my office. I promise I will one day though. Another note, this post is a bit long. But you can read it in chunks if you prefer. That way, if I don’t post for a while, you’ll still have new stuff to read!
So, I guess what I want to say in this email is that life is complicated. While in many ways I’m thrilled to be back in Namibia, I’m also experiencing very mixed emotions. It’s probably all part of the settling in/transition process but that’s what’s true for me today.
Let’s start with my good-byes. So, last Wednesday, I hugged my parents good-bye and got on the United Limo to O’Hare. The bus passed lots of pleasant looking houses surrounded by green lawns (regardless of the rainfall the Midwest has not received this summer). I kept thinking to myself, “Why don’t I live in one of those?” “Why am I on my way to Namibia with all my positions either on this bus, or in a cabinet in my sister’s garage?” “What am I doing?” Its not an uncommon thought, I should tell you. I had that thought last summer when I was dehydrated at a busy bus station in Managua. (If you didn’t hear that story, just know that it had a happy ending and I’m now well hydrated, and that’s all you need to know.) But I can’t help but having that question, especially when I think of the look in my parents’ eyes as we said good-bye and the hugs from my nieces and the sweet little “I love you” from the youngest. I also had been thinking a lot about what one of my friends said. He compared my love of Namibia with his love of Hawaii. For some reason, that comparison didn’t work for me, but I couldn’t figure out what it is that I do love about Namibia, and why I was so excited to go back. I’ve been trying to sort that out for a while. So, looking at these happy houses, I was thinking about it more.
When I got to O’Hare, I talked to a friend of mine and mentioned what I was pondering. She reminded me that I would go nuts if I lived in one of those houses. “Oh, yeah. Thanks.” It’s true. But on what do I base that belief? Hmmmm. On the plane to Joberg, I could hear South African accents all around me. I had my first appletiser in four years. (A carbonated apple juice which was the only food item I could think of that I was looking forward to in Namibia.) I felt really happy and excited. I was still sorting out the “why” question though. I thought of what one of my friends had said about how she was excited to go to the country where she is going because “the people are so friendly.” I had a twinge of jealousy. “Why don’t I go to countries where the people are so friendly?” Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of very friendly Namibians. But I don’t feel comfortable generalizing and saying, “Namibians are friendly.” I have white skin. Lots of Namibians have reason to distrust white people. I am from the US. Lots of Namibians have reason to distrust people from the US. I feel like people in Namibia, in Windhoek particularly, approach foreigners with caution. And for some reason, I think that’s one of the reasons I love Namibia. It feels very real in a certain sense. People don’t just think I’m the greatest when they first meet me. I have to show them that I’m okay, then they may love me. That, in addition to everything else that makes Namibia so great. ;-) They showed a little video of South Africa from the tourism bureau on the plane. It showed white people enjoying fine dining and wine tasting while black people served them. It showed elephants and giraffes and lions. It showed lovely beaches. It showed smiling black people in their “traditional” dress performing their “traditional” dances. I suppose that is one way to depict South Africa. But its not the South Africa or Namibia that I know or would like to visit. Its complicated.
So anyway, I arrived, and am still quite excited about my job. My coworkers seem great, the internet in the office is working (albeit slowly), I got my cell-phone, things are okay. I met someone who knows people who are teaching yoga in Windhoek and will be sending me their contact info. The apartment search has been frustrating, but I have a month, I imagine something will work out.
So, being here has been interesting. I’d be lying if I said I don’t still have that “What the heck am I doing here?” thought wash over me from time to time. But its amazing how comfortable it feels here. I often feel like I never left. I’ll be walking along, and everything is just as it was and I feel like, “yup, here I am, never left, dooty doo” But then there are changes. First, I’ve walked around town several times and have not once yet run into someone I knew. I keep wondering if I just don’t recognize people, and they don’t recognize me, or if everyone I knew moved out of Windhoek and new people moved in, or if I just haven’t bumped into people I knew yet. Secondly, two malls have expanded a lot. (Wernhil and Mereau for those of you who know Windhoek). That has sort of freaked me out. There are lots of ice cream places. There is a “Curves” and a “Body Shop”, for goodness sake! Generally Namibia is good about keeping out multinational chains. So, Curves and The Body Shop threw me. I left my Body Shop Frequent Bather card in the States thinking I wouldn’t need it here. Who knew I could get all the body butter and bath oil a woman could desire right here? Wow! When I was here before, I used a camping pad for a yoga mat. This time I brought my own. There is now a large sporting goods store that not only sells yoga mats, it sells yoga blocks and straps as well. Anybody remember my home made “Step”? Well, the sporting goods store sells “Steps” as well. There are several restaurants that serve sushi, there’s a few coffee shops with cappuccino, no Thai food yet, but I did get great Indian food delivered to my hotel the other night. I’m just not sure what to make of it all. I suppose its progress, but I went to Katutura (the township) yesterday, and its still there also, and poverty is still here also. Maybe that’s another reason why I love Namibia. Its so complex. Just as you can’t say, “Namibians are friendly.” You also can’t say, “Namibians are poor.” Or “Namibians love to shop at the Body Shop.” Or “The expansion of the mall is good.” Or “The expansion of the mall is bad.” Its complicated. Much more complicated than a 5 minute video from the tourism bureau can depict. Just like my feelings about being back. I can’t say I’m thrilled to be here, but I wouldn’t say I’m miserable either. Its complicated.
I’ll end with a quick amusing story. I was in a taxi and the driver asked, “You are American?” I said, “Yes, is it obvious?” He said, “No, but how does it feel to be American right now, when most of the people are just hating the Americans?” “Not so good, but, I should tell you, that most of the American people, they are also just hating their government.” “Then why don’t you vote them out?” “I believe that we did, but that the elections were rigged, just like Zimbabwe. It’s difficult.” “Then how come you tell other countries how to run their elections?” And as I got out of the car I answered with, “I don’t know. It’s ridiculous.” When I first arrived in Namibia, under the Clinton administration, people seemed to generally have positive feelings towards Americans. When we were building up to the war in Iraq people started questioning me on US foreign policy a lot more. This is the first snapshot I’ve had of how Namibians generally feel towards America now, four years later. Once again, its all very complicated. I did have a conversation with some friends last night who seemed to all be vying for Hillary, but excited about the idea of Obama as well. Lets just hope the UN sends in observers to ensure free and fair elections.
All for now, I’ll post pictures later.
