As usual, huge apologies for not writing earlier. Lots has happened, I've been busy, lots to talk about, but I won't try to make up for lost time. I'll just summarize. First, I'm starting to get caught up at work. Secondly, I finally have internet at home, so I'm getting caught up on emails as well. I was planning to wait till I was caught up on emails before posting to my blog again, but then... I changed my mind.
So, work has been pretty good. Still learning lots. Confronted by new challenges of all different kinds at all times. I'm still in a certain state of euphoria over my previous boss's resignation. But, the new group of students have brought their own challenges, other various variations also bring new challenges and new opportunities for learning. I like to think I'm embracing it all, but some of it I resist, and then later try to embrace. One of my friends from grad school, Evan, is now working at the center, so that's loads of fun. Its cool having him around, and sometimes it weirds me out to have someone who knows me in two different contexts around. I think of myself as having a Namibia life and a Massachusetts life and its sort of strange that Evan knows me in both settings. But cool too.
The yoga with the Rastafarians has gone through a few permutations. We now have a venue that we use every Monday night. Most of the Rastafarians have lost interest, or disappeared for one reason or another. There are some new people coming now who are students at UNAM. I also was chatting with a friend who knows some people who are opening a Wellness Centre in Katutura and would like to have a yoga teacher there, so I'm optimistic that that may come to fruition and then I'll just move this group there and hopefully get some new people there as well. More to come on all of that...
Remember all the Grade 6 boys that used to hang out at my house? I've reconnected with almost all of them now. I keep wondering if I will recognize them, but each one that I meet looks exactly the same to me. I keep thinking that going from ~13 to ~20 years old, they may have changed drastically. But they all still look like 13 year olds to me, possibly on a slightly larger body. One is studying at UNAM. One is at the Polytech. One is trying to rewrite his Grade 12 exams. Yesterday I was walking through Zoo Park when I heard someone yell, "Miss Linda!" I was laughing to myself, because there is only a small group of people who would yell "Miss Linda". I looked around and finally saw one of my Grade 6's that I haven't seen since Grade 6, nor really thought about. It was funny to walk up to him and his name rolled right off my tongue without thinking, "Mbinomujame! How are you?" Amazing that such a name stuck with me. He was one of my less favorite kids. I asked him what he was up to and he said "Nothing." Sad thing is, its very true. Apparently his grade 12 scores were too low, so he doesn't feel like trying to rewrite, he can't get a job. He's really up to nothing. As much as I rephrased the question, it kept coming back that he's really not doing much. His eyes were bloodshot and yellow, which looked like he may be doing some things not worth mentioning. Alas, the complexity of Namibia.
Speaking of being called "Miss Linda". I hang out with Kafunda from time to time. I went out with him and some of his friends the other night. He asked me if he still has to call me, "Miss Linda" or if he can just call me Linda now. He's 24. I suppose since we are friends, and I'm no longer in a position of authority, he could just call me Linda. But that just sounds weird. I sort of avoided the question and didn't really answer. Later in the evening, one of his friends was trying to get my number. I turned to Kafunda for advice on whether or not to give it. His answer was, "I have my mom's number. If you need to get a hold of her, you can always contact me. I need to take care of my mom." So, we started referring to each other as mom and son. That's why the following night when Mom and Pop called when I was at Kafunda's braai, and I handed the phone to him he said, "Is it my grandmother and grandfather?" I was confused at first, but then figured out what he was saying. I love that I have a protective son. He also cooks well - learned it all from his mother.
Its amazing that the longer I stay here, the more I feel like I'm just scratching the surface of Namibia. I feel like I'm constantly digging deeper and deeper into the culture, politics and history ... and loving it. Its fascinating. And as I dig, I learn more about myself and the States. I wanted to try to convey the complexity of Namibia here, but don't know how well I'm doing. I've had this website recommended to me, and never had fast enough internet to watch videos until now. (My internet is still not amazing, so I have to watch the videos slowly.) I'm impressed by this guy's ability to start to convey some of the complexity: http://www.mynameisbill.com/travelproject/archiveindex.html He was apparently in Namibia May 23, 2007 - June 8, 2007. I haven't watched all the videos yet. But each individual video shows a few aspects of Namibia, but watching them all together, starts to give some indication of the complexity.
Today is election day in Zimbabwe. Now that is a complicated situation. November 2009, Namibia will be having elections. A few months ago a new political party was launched in Namibia. It has gained a lot of support, even though it doesn't really have a new platform, they are just saying that they will do what SWAPO has promised, but failed to deliver. Now SWAPO is trying hard to regain support. It may be too late. However, they may try to cling to power. The people may get upset. I've heard a lot of comparisons made to Zimbabwe and Kenya. It will be a very interesting year and a half and election. We shall see. I'm learning so much! There are lots of Zimbabweans in Namibia. Its fascinating to ask them their view of the political situation in Zimbabwe. Each one has a different view. Each one has a different view on Namibia's future as well. Truly fascinating times.
But now, let me get to the topic at hand. Mbanjanda is getting married in 3 weeks. I sent an email to some of you to tell you, but then I got a bunch of questions back, so let me try to just explain it here. Okay, when I was here before, he had two girlfriends, Ripure and Delia. Ripure lived in Tallismanis and Delia in Windhoek. I liked Ripura a lot more than Delia. Ripure is beautiful, intelligent and fun to talk to. However, Mbanjanda always said that he would marry Delia. Delia is his cousin, which would make the family happy. Ri is actually from a different subtribe of Herero, which would make the family and the ancestors less happy. At weddings and when babies are born and other important events, an elder male goes to the holy fire and tells the ancestors whats going on and asks advice if necessary. The ancestors would be very pleased if he married Delia cause they know her ancestors, they would probably be okay with it if he married Ri, cause they might be able to conceptualize her ancestors. I used to jokingly ask what the ancestors would say if he tried to tell them he was marrying me. He said they would freak out. If you marry a non-Herero, you don't tell the ancestors.
Okay, so time passes. Delia goes to the UK for work. While there, she gets pregnant and marries a Brit. Mbanjanda has two babies with Ri. The first one, is prized by all. Mbanjanda is the first born in his family and so his first born is adored. Traditionally, the paternal grandparents have the right to raise a baby if they so chose, and no one can really argue. I believe maternal grandparents are next inline and way back there somewhere inline would be the parents themselves. (Incidentally, I've been told that I must have children. When I point out that its too much work to raise a child alone, and I haven't met anybody suitable for the role of "father of my children", I've had it pointed out that if I were to have a child with a Herero father, most likely his parents would be so enthralled by this "white" baby that they would insist on taking care of it and I wouldn't have to worry about it. When I then ask what the point in having a baby is, if the paternal grandparents are going to raise it, I get the same old answer, "Cause you MUST have at least one!" I've sometimes thought about that. What would it be like to have a baby that grows up on a Herero farm, and speaks English as a second language. I picture taking the baby to South Bend in the summer and visiting his/her cousins, and not being able to communicate with his/her maternal grandparents. Interesting thought.) So, anyway, Mbanjanda's mother took his first daughter and is raising her. The second daughter is living with Ripure in Tallismanis. I believe Mbanjanda visits them often and takes care of his daughter's material needs. Mbanjanda says that he and Ripure broke up, but based on the way they interacted when I was visiting, I'm guessing they are not completely broken up. A few years ago, Mbanjanda started dating a different cousin, who's name I always forget. This one lives in Otavi which is very far from Tallismanis. She also has a 4 year old daughter. She is the one that Mbanjanda will be marrying. When Mbanjanda gets married, she'll probably move to Gobabis, which is about 2-3 hours from Tallismanis. She's not really interested in living in Tallismanis. So, very little will really change for anyone. If Mbanjanda does have girlfriends in Tallismanis, or elsewhere, he'll probably continue to. His new wife probably knows this deep inside, but probably doesn't dwell on it. I think many Namibian women don't really expect that their husbands are faithful, but they just don't want things to happen in front of their face. I've sort of gathered this from trying to talk to Namibian women, but its not something that comes out clearly. I often get sort of a, "Yeah, but what else can we do?" sort of answer on this topic. The kids' lives won't change significantly, Mbanjanda will have someone to stay with whenever he's in Gobabis. His wife will probably go out and visit Tallismanis sometimes. So, his first baby will probably be at the wedding with his mom. I don't know if he'll take his second baby to the wedding. The first one I believe is in Grade 1 now. The second is less than 2 years old. Delia may come from the UK to the wedding. She was planning to, but I don't know if she'll make it. Ri will probably definitely not come to the wedding nor be invited.
When Mbanjanda decided to get married, he told his father. His father talked to her family and started discussions. Discussions centered on the bride price (in cash and cattle). Once everything is agreed upon and the whole of her family (mostly the men but including many uncles and extended peoples as well) is content, then the bride's family sets a date. Mbanjanda hinted to them that doing it during the school holidays would work best for him, so he thought it would either be this May or next August. He was just notified on Wednesday that it will be on April 18th (start of the school holidays). That's fairly short notice. Usually there is a bit more. There's not much of a "ceremony" in the western-church sense, but there is a huge event. People will converge on the bride's farm for several days of meat eating. The bride will hang out in a room somewhere with her head down. I think Mbanjanda will get to just hang out and eat meat, but by no means see the bride. There is a reasonable possibility that I'll never meet her. I've only been to Herero weddings when I've been a friend of a friend of the bride, so I don't know if the groom's friends get to see her. I assume I'll probably be hanging out with Mbanjanda's sisters the whole time. The meat fest will be punctuated by little traditions like the paying of the bride price, all conducted without the bride present. At the very end, she'll come out of her room and hop in a truck with Mbanjanda and go to either his farm or his father's farm, I'm not sure which one. So, its not like I'll have to sit in a pew and which the two of them declare their undying love for each other, but the marriage will certainly take place. They may or may not bother getting the government to officially recognize their wedding. A lot of people don't bother with legal certifications and all that. As long as everyone in the community knows that they are married, what difference does it make if the state recognizes the wedding. I knew someone who got a divorce, and it was also a long process involving the community, but not the government. They had all sorts of meetings with all sorts of elders discussing the complaints of all involved and trying to find a resolution (from what I'm told, I didn't attend any of the meetings) and eventually agreeing that the couple should divorce.
I saw Mbanjanda a few weeks ago, and he told me he would be getting married soon. I gave one final plea for him to consider Ripure. I admitted I hadn't met the current girlfriend but told him how much more I liked Ripure than Delia. I talked about how you could have an intelligent conversation with Ripure, but Delia wouldn't talk. He said, "But you know how us African men are. We like women who talk ... but just enough." Implying that he likes a passive wife, and not one like Ripure who has and expresses opinions. So I jokingly added in, "Ah-ha, so that's also why you are not marrying me." "Yes, that, and the fact that I don't want to get stuck in the States. I would miss the Namibian sun and meat too much." He still talks to Delia regularly and apparently she laments that she hadn't thought about how much she would miss Namibia when she decided to marry a Brit. So, Mbanjanda has similar fears of marrying a foreigner now.
Okay, on a lighter note, let me end with a funny story. I was driving through Katutura around sunset last night, after dropping some people off. I didn't think much of it, then I suddenly got this thought, "hmmm, I'm a white woman, alone in a former black township at sunset on a Friday night. If this was 20 years ago, this might be really dangerous. Some people might think its dangerous now. I feel okay. I might feel less comfortable if I was walking." I got into a right turn lane. (NB: Right turn lanes are sort of like left turn lanes for people who drive on the other side of the road.) I suddenly realized that the car in front of me was stopped far from the light with no one in between. I was confused. Then I realized it was a taxi waiting for a passenger. I didn't feel like trying to maneuver the big old combi around the taxi, but I was sort of wondering how long I would be sitting there. Finally, the passenger got in and the taxi pulled up to the light. Then the driver opened the door. Passengers hop in and out of taxis all the time, but I rarely see the driver open the door, particularly when stopped at a light, so this sort of startled me. The driver waved. I assume it was a wave of, "Sorry to hold you up back there." And I assume that the window doesn't open, that's why he had to open the door. Taxis typically aren't maintained that well. I started cracking up. Sometimes I just love Namibia. Taxi drivers get a bad rap, but sometimes people are so friendly.
Okay, I think I have, however briefly, updated you all on my life and answered all the questions about Mbanjanda's wedding. I hope to have more pictures next time, particularly after Mbanjanda's wedding. Much love and hugs!
